Waiting for paternity leave

I’m not really, but with my wife being 40+3 weeks’ pregnant people in the office know I’m about to disappear for a couple for weeks. This brings all kinds of comments, and actually so does impending parenthood. The kind of comments that you wonder why someone said them. Here’s a couple that spring to mind:

  1. “Any news yet?” – No, I’m in the office so quite clearly no.
  2. “Get some sleep whilst you can!” – Thanks, I hadn’t realised babies have irregular sleep-patterns and need things when they need it. Also, you can’t really stock up on sleep and put it in your fat reserves. That’s why hibernating animals eat to manage their sleep, not sleep to manage their eating.
  3. “How long until your life is ruined forever?” – Says the pregnant mother of two. Really helpful comment. And somewhat disingenuous, no?
  4. “Have you got any nappies? You’ll need lots of nappies” – Yes, well, quite. This one is helpful I guess but equally, really?
  5. “Are you looking forward to your holiday, nudge-nudge; wink-wink?” – Does this one even need an explanation?
  6. “How’s the mother?” – Oh she’s doing brilliantly as it’s totally not impactful having a multi-pound baby rearrange your internal organs to aid Feng Shui.
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We shall see.

Anyway. We’re ready. We’re waiting. Things keep happening but no baby yet. Soon!

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